The Key to Being a Present Parent
I’m gonna go ahead and let you know that I as a mom did A LOT of things that I would do a bit different if I had to go back and raise my children again. That just means I’m human. And like every person, I live and learn. The benefit I have now is perspective. And my perspective is just that…mine. It doesn’t mean it will cater to the masses or tickle the ears of those that don’t want to hear it as a way to change their minds on anything. So with that, I just wanted to give a preface on this being my reflective learning that I can share with you.
So, I grew up wanting two children:) And if they could have been twins from the start I’d be “done” and could go about “my life”. Do everything just so and have the picture perfect family, have the picture perfect job, live in the picture perfect house, and on and on. But what I thought I wanted didn’t end up being what happened. What actually happened was even better, even if I didn’t see it in the moment(s).
After my husband finished his active duty enlistment in the Army we moved back to South Georgia. We were learning how to make ends meet in the civilian life while also working on our college degrees. During this college time we started having kids. Our first son, followed by twin girls a year and a half later, then another son in another three years, followed by triplet girls just under three years after that. I’ll save you the trouble and just tell you the word problem answer you’re probably trying to figure out. That equals seven children aged seven and under and…I was 29 yrs old.
By then I wasn’t thinking to myself “How do I be a perfect parent?”. For that season I was thinking “How do I make sure everyone survives today?”. Seriously.
At this point you may be wondering what in the world does this have to do with how I can be a present parent. And to that I would say: Everything.
Sometimes we consciously create what we want and other times we unconsciously create what we need.
I had a husband that was in surgery residency working seven days a week for at least 15-24 hrs a day and seven little kiddos that needed their mom. I wanted to be there for them all but what about my nursing job? What about filling my societal role as a working mom? What about the family budget? What about making money to pitch in for the family finances? What about “wasting” my college education and not working anymore? There was a lot of stuff going through my head. So as it turned out; paying a sitter, mother’s morning out, daycare etc would take away from our finances AND our lives than me being home with the kids and being Mom, all day, every day.
The perspective I’ve grown to understand from my unconscious creation is being a present parent is just that…..Be Present.
I understand that some folks want to make the most of the time they have with their children. I get it. They grow up fast and we won’t live forever. But it’s not a checklist.
Thinking that you have to “be present” in a certain way defeats the point and robs you of the opportunity to enjoy the time.
If you’re making the time (no matter how much) to physically be with your children…then well done, you’re already being A Present Parent.
No checklist required.
I want to encourage or dare I say challenge you to forward this to one person you think of that deserves a congratulations for being a present parent.